


Uneasy

by dying_flame_0804



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, Guilt, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, POV Uchiha Itachi, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Uchiha Itachi Has Issues, Uchiha Itachi-centric, Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dying_flame_0804/pseuds/dying_flame_0804
Summary: About two years after the Uchiha massacre, Itachi is travelling on missions with his partner Kisame as an Akatsuki. He's 16 years old and the disease, that keeps getting worse already, isn't the only thing slowly killing him from the inside. He's struggling with trauma, nightmares, guilt feelings, mental and physical health issues, thinking about the past and future.
Kudos: 13





	Uneasy

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this is my first finished work ever, that I decided to post, because I've been encouraged by a friend. I'm not a native English speaker and I'm still inexperienced in writing, so I hope it's still enjoyable :D

It might've been half past 3 in the night as the only light source in this overwhelming darkness was the weak glowing half of the moon beneath the clouds. As if every thing was asleep, the world appeared dead. Not a single noise was there to witness apart from crickets chirping in the forest.

Heavy panting and an almost painful sounding gasp suddenly escaped through the silence of the night. One of those nights again. A restless one. One that drained his energy in his sleep instead of rebuilding it and had him wake up in pain other than recovery. One that brought him more hurting, where was supposed to be healing. A night that only made him more tired. In cold sweat he was torn out of his dream once again. An uneasy one, just like almost every other dream, he's ever dreamed since he was young. He found neither rest nor peace in anything anymore. He can't remember the last time he did. Always tired. Never at ease. 

He can't even escape the madness in his mind through sleep. In fact, it all seems even worse in these quiet moments, without any light and all alone. The moments he found himself lost in. He's used to that feeling. The feeling of being completely exhausted. His beautiful deep eyes, which once sparked with curiosity and carried a passionated expression, are hidden through the dark circles beneath them and now glare empty. The light in those eyes is long gone and it makes him appear as if he wasn't even truly alive anymore. And he isn't. He is already dying. And not only in his heart and soul though. His head is aching from the inside.

He sits himself up, wiping his long messy hair and the sweat out off his face. He's slowing down his breathing by force and heavily swallows. His entire body shivers. He's twitching and shaking. He barely manages to stand on his feet as they wouldn't obey him. His shaky legs carry him to reach the little water stream only a few meters next to where their sleeping place is. Falling on to his knees in the gras, he cups some of the cold water and washes his face to cool himself down a little and not overheat. He feels like burning up and freezing at the same time, even though the fire they made last night is still warm and lit. He remembers putting it out before sleeping. "Did Kisame put it back on?", he wondered. Maybe he saw him trembling and lit it up again. But these questions are suddenly completely left aside and forgotten about in seconds as his own thoughts are interrupting each other. What woke him is coming back to him. He can't ever forget what tore him out of his sleep once again. It's been messing with his head for years. The screams of those he's guilty of are cutting through his head like sharp knives. Their voices keep haunting him. Only him. And it'll be that way forever. It hasn't always been like this but to him it feels like it has. He forgot what it felt like to regain energy in sleeping. He misses the feeling of comfort that he has long forgotten about aswell. His hand grips tightly on to his cloak that he used to cover over himself with as a blanket. His mind has already fallen deep into what was too much for any person to handle. But he has to. He makes himself handle anything. Unnoticeable.

The night is submerged in darkness. Not a single star is seen by his tired eyes, as he finds himself staring upwards to the sky. Those clouds are hiding the light. Only the weak shining moonlight that glimmers into the water brightens the reflection of his face, on it's surface as he looks down upon himself. The familiar faces that his features resemble make him feel a heavy weight in his chest. He can't recall the last night he didn't see their faces in his minds eye. He forgot about the time their cries weren't burned deep into his memory. He feels the cool of a single tear silently running down his face. He felt their blood on his hands and every part of him. He could never wash it off. This everlasting heavy feeling in him, that unbearable burden that crawled all the way up his chest and throat constricting the oxygen in his lungs. Guilt.

"What if it all never happened?

If there was peace?

If I stopped him from falling?

If I didn't leave him for my mission?

I should've saved him.

What if I made the wrong decision?

If I could've saved them all?

If I told him the truth?

Would a childs mind be able to comprehend? Would he possibly not despise me for the rest of his life?

What if... I didn't fail...

What if..."

His stomach clenches and his heart aches.

"I wonder if you're doing okay... Sasuke."

Remeniscing the past is tormenting his very soul and he lost himself in thoughts but once again he is cut off by what feels like a stab through his lungs. His throat itches and his inner organs begin to cause that immense pain again. He feels his whole body crumbling from the inside trying to catch his breath as he painfully coughs up heavily. He is trembling and coughing in such a hurtful way. He can't stop the vomitting as his hands are now full of thick blood flowing down between his fingers. His clothes soaked in the amount of that terrible warm liquid. Every inch of his being is hurting like hell from the outside as well as inside. Some days it's more sustainable than others but it never goes away. It only gets worse. He's tired of it. Tired of waking up. Exhausted from witnessing another day rising. Another day like the ones before. He's gonna put on that mask again and do what needs to be done, since nobody else would possibly be able to take care of such a task that was burdened on him. What he had to burden on himself. He is fully aware of how far it's necessary for him to go. Every day over again.

There's no ease in any of these feelings. So many times has he thought about all this. Pointless. He won't know until he reaches the very end. He wonders how long he's gonna have left until he will be free of this pain. Until he has fulfilled his horrible life's mission and will be able to finally rest. He knows, he's gonna have to wait. For him.

There's so much blood in the water. He watches it flow down the stream. Looking at his own lap and his hands covered in blood once again, he quietly says by himself : "You're still not ready, yet.I'll hold on and bear this pain a little longer...

For the last time."


End file.
